President Evan, 2009 - 2012

The Presidential election is just over two months away. It's kind of fun to imagine what it would be like to be elected President. I've given this some thought, and I've read a little bit about past Presidents. I've got a few ideas about what I would do if I were President.

This is pure fantasy, but here is an excerpt from my imaginary Inaugural address if I were elected President, 2008.

"I would like to start my address by thanking my political campaign opponent, Ted Danson, for a good contest. The fight was long, and in the end, we can join together in unity as Americans. I would also like to thank Mr. Danson for eight wonderful years of entertainment as the star of 'Cheers'. I wish you luck in the future as you continue to serve this country, on and off television.

I would like to thank President George W. Bush for his dedicated service, strong leadership, and powerful resolve in times of great national distress. I will use his integrity as an inspiration in the new administration.

Finally, I want to thank the American people. The American people, who comprise and operate this great nation. The American people, who have spoken with an overwhelming majority to elect me to the Oval Office. With you, I stand on the national stage to represent freedom, liberty, and the courage of the brave to the rest of the world. May we continue to stand as an example of continued generosity, hope, and strength to countries who may look to us for that kind of strength.

The next four years will be difficult. But America, the most incredible nation on earth, is poised and ready for the challenge. I pledge to focus on victory in Iraq, and escalated peacekeeping efforts with Russia as they continue to exploit Georgia. In my first 100 days, we will launch a new campaign to save Darfur. I will also demand that Congress vote on drilling in Alaska for oil, among other energy solutions, without delay.

Economically, i will consult closely with the new Vice President, Chuck Norris. Envoking the spirit of Calvin Coolidge, I will cut Federal taxes on small business, oil companies, and all Americans will get a 35% Federal tax cut. As Coolidge brilliantly observed, "Economy is the method by which we prepare today to afford the improvements of tomorrow." Under the shadow of Calvin Coolidge's great example, I will cut government programs by approximately 25% in my first year as President. I will veto any wasteful bill, and continue to cut the size of the Federal government budget by approximately 15% per subsequent year of my Presidency. That is a pledge that I make to you, my fellow citizens.

I would also like to welcome the other new members of my administration: Chief of Staff Mitt Romney, Secretary of State Bono from U2, Press Secretary Bill Cosby, and the new Attorney General to my administration, Andy Griffith (as Matlock.)

Thank you. And, God bless America."